


the heat of the moment

by literalprincess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4360244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literalprincess/pseuds/literalprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean catches Cas reading his journal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the heat of the moment

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiiii so this totally is my first fic ever????? I'm sorry if it's bad please go easy on me !!

Castiel doesn't do this often. 

He almost always lets Dean know if he's dropping by, but he wanted to surprise Dean. Just this once. 

(And a few other times, but we don't have to talk about that.) 

He looks around the hotel room a bit, since he doesn't sleep, he's got nothing better to do. He flips through the channels on the TV, only to find that there's nothing on, besides Sesame Street. He thinks to himself that it was about the weirdest thing humans could come up with, before turning the TV off. 

He sighs softly to himself, sitting down on the ruffled sheets where Dean had slept the previous night. He runs his fingers over the sheets very lightly, before sliding under the covers. He lays on Dean's side of the bed, fully clothed, breathing in his scent. He sits up slowly as he sees an old, beat-up journal sticking out of Dean's duffel bag. He figures it's just their dad's journal, full of everything he knew about monsters. He picks it up and flips through it before realizing-

Oh.

This is Dean's personal journal. He snaps it closed, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. He doesn't mean to invade Dean's privacy, really. But he and Sam were out on a hunt, and since Cas doesn't sleep, he has nothing better to do. He sighs softly as he opens it back up, skimming over the first few pages. They seem to be fairly normal, just full of things about the monsters they'd hunted. After a few pages, though, Castiel's eyes land on his own name. 

July 7th, 2010 

Castiel said something weird today. Hell, everything Cas says is weird. But I like it. In a strange way, the things he says are...comforting. The way he's so confused about us humans is endearing, to say the least. Anyways, Sam was angry at him today, since any time he needs Cas, he's never there. But the second I call on him, he's right here. I, personally, find it hilarious. At least, I did, until Cas said something. He told Sam that him and I "shared a more profound bond". What the hell does that mean? I mean, really? It's some mushy bullshit, that's for sure. Straight out of a chick flick. That doesn't make it any less confusing, though. Cas hardly ever shows me any emotion, let alone this "profound bond" we share. And I mean, sure, I love him. I love him a fuckton. But he's Cas, and he's adorably oblivious. 

Castiel stares at the words on the page for a good, long while. He's not sure how long he stares, before he hears the door open. 

"Castiel? What are you doing here?" Dean asks, before his eyes widen as any movement he might have been making comes to a halt. "Cas? Sorry, but, what in the fuck do you think you're doing?" he says, his stomach churning. 

"Just reading, Dean." Castiel says nonchalantly, as if he hadn't just read Dean's journal, the one where he confessed his love for the angel. 

"Yeah, I can see that." Dean says through his teeth. "Where did you get that?" he asks, slowly walking over to Castiel. 

"It was laying in your bag." 

"And you saw that as, what, an invitation to just, take it?" 

"No." 

"Then what the fuck, Cas?" Dean asks. His voice most definitely does not crack out of fear. 

"I thought it was just a journal about your hunts." Castiel says honestly. It's not in his nature to lie. 

"It's not." Dean whispers lowly. 

"I see." Cas says, flipping through the pages. 

Dean finally regains movement of his own body, and slowly moves closer to Cas to take the journal away from him. "What exactly did you read in there, anyway?" he says. It can't be that bad, because Cas is talking to him and looking at him the same way he always does. That stupid, confused, endearing look that he only gives Dean. 

"I read about the day I noticed you and I shared...a stronger bond than most." Castiel says. 

Dean freezes again. "You what?" 

"I read about the day-" Dean cuts him off. 

"I heard you." he says in a low growl. 

"Then why did you say 'what'?" Castiel asks, genuinely confused. 

"Doesn't matter." Dean says, his words short and cut off. "I think you should leave." he whispers. 

"Why?" Castiel asks, still unsure of Dean's reasoning. 

"Because I'm fucking asking you to." He says, the anger and hurt in his voice obvious to any normal human, but Castiel isn't a human. 

"Dean." Cas says simply, laying a hand on Dean's shoulder, since he was facing away from him. 

Dean flinches away from the touch. "Please, Castiel. I'm not about to cry in front of you, so get your ass out of my motel room, alright?" he says, sounding almost broken. He wonders for a moment if Castiel can hear his heart physically shatter. 

"Dean." Castiel says once more, his grip tightening on Dean's shoulder. 

"What, Cas? What else do you want?" Dean shouts, turning around to face the angel with tears threatening to roll down his cheeks. 

"That's a silly question." Cas says quietly, reaching up to wipe a tear that falls from Dean's eye, hesitating when Dean flinches away from him. "You're frightened." he observes softly. 

"I'm not frightened, goddammit, Cas." Dean snaps, surging forward and pressing his lips to Castiel's. 

The kiss wasn't sweet. Not even a tiny bit. It was hard and messy and angry. 

Castiel stumbled backward a bit, even though Dean was nowhere near strong enough to knock him back unless he let him. Castiel always let his guard down around Dean. He toned down his strength, he never read Dean's mind. He made himself more vulnerable for Dean, more human. He eventually realizes what's going on, and that this was his first kiss. 

"Dean," Cas sighs against his mouth, letting his instincts take over as he slides his arms around Dean's neck. 

Dean pulls back after he hears his name leave Castiel's lips. He tries to pull away, just positive that he's overstepped a huge boundary. He's just kissed an angel of the Lord, for Christ's sake. But the thing is, he can't pull back. He's being held in place by Cas's arms around him. He looks down at the man, realizing that he's still crying. "What the fuck," he whispers. 

"You're upset." Castiel whispers. It's the only concision he can draw from Dean's tears.

"No shit." Dean whispers, his head dropping to Castiel's shoulder, before he remembers that Cas probably has no idea how to react to this. He reaches up and grabs Castiel's wrists, pulling his arms apart and putting them at his sides. "I need a moment, Castiel. I'm really sorry," he whispers. He hurries to the bathroom, locking the door. He knows there's no point, because Cas could just mojo himself right into the bathroom, locked door or not. He silently hopes Castiel respects him more than that. 

Cas frowns deeply, walking over to the bathroom door. "Dean." He says, once more. It sounds like a command when he uses this tone of voice, deep and gravelly. 

Dean sits against the wall, angry tears falling down his cheeks. "Go away, Castiel." he says, flinching at himself. He rarely calls the angel anything but 'Cas'. 

Castiel might not completely understand human nature, but he knows when he isn't wanted. "Okay, I'll leave after you answer this one question, and don't lie. I know when you're lying." he says. 

"I thought you never read my mind, you dick." Dean spat, feeling angry and betrayed.

"I never have and I never will. I can tell when you're lying because I know you." Again, it's not in Castiel's nature to lie. 

"Fine. Ask me." Dean says, wiping at his tears hastily. 

"Did you change your mind?" Castiel asks softly, timidly. 

Dean's never heard Castiel's voice sound like this. He sounds scared, almost. He's literally an angel, he has no reason to ever sound scared. "Change my mind?" he asks, standing up slowly. He unlocks the door, but doesn't open it yet. "Change my mind about what, Cas?" he asks, his voice softening. 

"About loving me a 'fuckton', I think is what you said." Castiel says, watching the doorknob twist as the door slowly inched open. The man he sees before him is not the Dean he knows. He looks broken, shattered. Castiel isn't sure why he has the urge to wrap his arms around Dean until he's okay again. 

"No, Cas." Dean whispers, wiping some more tears. "Dammit," he whispers, because the fucking tears won't stop. He can't stop crying. Eventually, he gives in and just lets them fall freely. "No, Cas," he repeats, "I didn't change my mind. I still love you a fuckton, okay? Is that what you want to hear?" he breathes out in one long breath. 

"That is exactly what I wanted to hear, Dean. I'm going to kiss you again." Castiel says quietly, walking toward Dean slowly. He reaches out to wipe his tears, even though they keep coming. People are always telling him that it's the thought that counts, anyways. He doesn't think that's true. 

The second kiss is sweeter. Gentler. Like Castiel really is trying to mend all of the broken parts of Dean. And it's not just a physical thing this time, either. It's fucking spiritual. Dean can feel his soul leaving his body, he can feel Castiel's grace radiating as their lips slide together. He presses his physical body closer to Castiel's, crying out softly. This was overwhelming to say the least. 

"Castiel, please." Dean breathes out softly. 

Castiel breaks the kiss, and Dean's soul untangles with Castiel's grace. He looks up at the man in front of him, placing his hands on his cheeks. He runs his fingers over every line in his face, every wrinkle he has from frowning too much. His barely-there dimples. His impossibly beautiful bone structure. "Dean Winchester," he starts quietly, "You are impossibly beautiful." he says, almost baffled. As if he'd only just noticed. 

"Okay, Cas," Dean mumbles. "Cut the chick flick crap." he says, bringing his hands up to cover Castiel's. He can tell that Cas thinks he's about to move them, but he doesn't. He just stays there, his hands fitted over Castiel's. "Explain to me what just happened. When you kissed me." he whispers. 

"My grace touched your soul," Cas says softly. "That's never happened before. I mean, not to me, anyways. It doesn't happen a lot." he says. 

"Okay..." Dean whispers, looking down. "What does that mean?" he asks, something close to fear in his eyes. He doesn't think he could ever be afraid, though. Not like this. Not with Cas touching him so delicately, like he might break him. 

"It's an angel's way of picking their, uh, partner, I guess you'd say." Castiel says softly. He watches Dean's eyes widen. "Have I done something wrong?" he asks, softly, feeling Dean's hand slip off of his own. He drops his hands to his sides, his eyes fixed on Dean. 

Dean extends a hand to Cas. He laces their fingers together, and then he leads him into the bathroom. He starts the shower, getting it to the right temperature. 

"Dean, what are we doing?" Castiel asks innocently. 

"You made me yours, in your own special way. I'm going to make you mine." Dean says quietly, his hands slipping into Castiel's trench coat. He slips it off, letting it fall to the ground. He's glad that Cas doesn't question him.

Dean presses soft kisses to some newly exposed skin. He kisses Castiel's neck gently, his hands sliding under the button-up that he always wears. He starts to undo the buttons, smiling softly when they're all undone. "Cas?" he says quietly, rubbing his torso. 

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel says quietly, not sure what to think of the way Dean's hands make him feel.

"Are you okay with this?" Dean asks. It's not like Castiel really asked him, but that doesn't matter. He has to ask. 

"Okay with what, Dean? Showering?" Castiel asks, raising an eyebrow. "You know I don't need to, since I'm an angel, but if you'd like me to, I would be happy." he says truthfully. 

Dean smiles fondly. How could he not, when he's looking at Cas? "That's not what I meant, Angel." he says quietly, the name rolling off his tongue by accident. "You made me yours spiritually, I'm going to make you mine in the only way I know how. I'm asking if you're okay with that." He explains softly. 

"Are you asking if I'm okay with having intercourse with you?" Castiel says bluntly. He cocks his head as Dean laughs softly. 

"Yes, Cas. That's what I'm asking." he says. 

"Yes. I think I would like that very much." Castiel says quietly. 

Dean nods his head and slowly undoes Castiel's navy blue tie. he tosses it aside and shrugs the white button-up over his shoulders. He doesn't say anything else for a while. He just undresses them both, trailing kisses along Castiel's torso. He leads Cas into the shower, finally, finally kissing his lips once more. They stay like that for a while, just kissing. Dean feels his soul start to intertwine with Castiel's grace once more, not sure why it was happening again. He just went with it, trailing his fingers down Castiel's side. 

They both make love for the first time in a crowded, motel room shower. But it's perfect, they're perfect together. Sure, Dean's had a fair amount of sex. But that doesn't count as love-making. He takes all of Castiel in that shower, and Castiel takes all of him. Dean isn't sure where he ends and where Cas begins. 

At some point, they end up back in the bed. Their clothes forgotten on the ground of the bathroom, they make love again, and again. Until they absolutely can't. 

Dean collapses on top of Cas, draping his body over the slightly smaller angel. "Castiel?" he whispers, using his full name for a reason. 

"Yes, Dean?" Cas says, for what seems like the billionth time. 

"I love you a fuckton." 

They both laugh until it hurts, and then Dean sleeps. 

Castiel keeps an eye on him all night, a smile gracing his lips at all times during the night.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading ! I hope u liked it :)


End file.
